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Counsellor's Column

by Gaye Stubbs

It's almost April Fool's Day, and then Easter - special days to mark the passing of time. How will you spend the Easter break? Will you have a break from your regular routine? Will you go out? Spend time with friends? Spend a quiet time at home?

Some people find that special days are a time to check on how they're going in terms of their goals, or they can be landmarks along the road of life. You may ask yourself: "How much closer am I to my goal than I was at Christmas?" or "Where do I want to be by this time next year?" or "Is this really what I want?" May be this April break will be a time to celebrate the changes you have made in your life, or maybe it's a time for you to think about what you need to make your life meaningful. Do you need to talk with a friend, do you need a support group, or do you need to talk with a counsellor - maybe all three.

If you're considering counselling, the following quotation deals with the role of the counsellor in our lives: "Throughout history there has been a deeply embedded conviction that, under the proper conditions, some people are capable of helping others come to grips with problems in living ... This conviction, of course, plays itself out differently in different cultures, but it is still a cross-cultural phenomenon ... Today this conviction is often institutionalized in a variety of formal helping professions. Counsellors, psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers ..."(Egan, The Skilled Helper).

It has been my experience that people come to counselling because they encounter situations that they cannot deal with easily, or at all or because they are not living as fully as they might like or not living as they would like.

Counselling is a bit like a rest area along the road. People come to the Gender Centre for counselling for a number of reasons:

• questioning "Who am I?" in terms of gender or sexual identity;
• can't see a way over or around the "bump in the road";
• not sure whether to even try to get over or around the "bump in the road" - "It's easier to stay where I am - it's easier not to make changes, upset other people";
• have decided to transition but need to make plans; need help along the way and guidance; experiencing nervousness, trepidation, excitement, wanting to reach the goal now, feeling that it will never happen
• seeking assistance in dealing with depression, anxiety, loneliness, lack of intimacy, low self-esteem
• have transitioned but experiencing difficulties - loneliness due to loss of family, work; feelings of guilt, vulnerability; adjusting to changes in lifestyle; new relationships; feeling like a novice; concerns about passing, not being accepted by others
• seeking information, referrals, support, feedback ("How do you think I'm going?"), emotional support
• wanting a diagnosis; wanting it to go away;
• wanting a "quick fix"
• regretting a decision made

If you're considering counselling but you're not sure, you can always send an email to the counsellor here (that's me). Some people find that an email is an easy first step.

It might help to think of the counsellor as someone to help you read the signpost along the way - bearing in mind that the direction you take is your choice. In the words of the German poet Rainer Maria Rilke, "Go into yourself and test the deeps in which your life takes rise ... "

So perhaps this Easter, you will be going out to meet with others, or staying home.

Polare is published in Australia by The Gender Centre Inc. which is funded by the Department of Community Services under the S.A.A.P. Program and supported by the N.S.W. Health Department through the AIDS and Infectious Diseases Branch. Polare provides a forum for discussion and debate on gender issues. Advertisers are advised that all advertising is their responsibility under the Trade Practices Act. Unsolicited contributions are welcome, though no guarantee is made by the Editor that they will be published, nor any discussion entered into. The editor reserves the right to edit such contributions without notification. Any submission which appears in Polare may be published on our internet site. Opinions expressed in this publication do not necessarily reflect those of the Editor, The Gender Centre Inc.I, the Department of Community Services or the N.S.W. Department of Health.