Book Reviews

Reviews by Willow Arune

Transgender Emergence:

Therapeutic Guidelines for Working with Gender Variant People and Their Families
by Arlene Istar Lev. Haworth Press 2003

Transsexuals are unique in the Rainbow. They must, as part of their search for identity, seek out medical intervention in the form of therapy and surgery. For most transsexuals, this search is not done in the wilderness. As a group, one distinguishing feature of transsexual patients is that they know their material. Fully eighty per cent, perhaps more, have read much—and some all—of the professional information available. Many know more than those that treat them. It is a situation of self-diagnosis followed by confirmation by professionals.

As there is no known physical marker for a transsexual, the therapist must rely upon what is told to them by the patient. The patient, in the case of a transsexual, knows what the therapist is looking for either from reading, the Internet, or word of mouth.

Adding to the complexity of this mandated relationship, the therapist is designated by the "Standards of Care" to both treat the transsexual and to serve as "gatekeeper" for further, and patient desired, treatment. Simply, unless the therapist is convinced that the patient is a transsexual, further care—from hormones to surgery—are not permitted.

This complex patient/therapist relationship is a large part of the trans-sexual pattern. Several small volumes have been written on Gender Loving Care (Ettner) and Transgender Care (Israel, et al) which offer but a small taste of the evolving clinical practice. Lev's book, by comparison, is a complete text that retains compassion and clinical perspective.

In addition, Lev carries on from transsexual to gender variant in all its' forms as well as family and friends. She adds one chapter for youth and another for the special issues that are faced by the intersexed.

Of all parts of the relationship, the most debated is the issue of "lying". After all, the patient wants the treatment, and knows that only by mirroring the known clinical guidelines will he or she be able to proceed—and that depends on the judgement of the therapist.

The tension of such a relationship is obvious. Lev discusses this at length, citing any known study and providing practical and valid suggestions for treatment that avoid the stigma of "lying". She very correctly points out that when any of us try to tell the story of our lives, we stress certain elements and omit others—the process is a normal one. Then she goes on, accepting this, to explain the role of the therapist in directly assessing this inner journey.

A very lucid and thickly packed book that should be on your therapist's shelf—and yours as well if you wish to understand this strange drive shared by those who are gender variant.

While the intended readers are those in the helping professions, relatives, the patients themselves, and even friends could gain understanding by reading this very informative book. It is by far the best of such therapy guides to appear in print.

When transsexuals enter transition, we affect the lives of those close to us. In far too many cases, those close to us seek distance and often leave our lives altogether.

This is especially so for family members. Far from finding the "unconditional love" that parents are assumed to have for children, many transsexuals find parents, siblings and others abandon them. In fact, it seems that parents will stand by a son who becomes a mass murderer or rapist, but abandon totally a transsexual child.

He's My Daughter:

A Mother's Journey to Acceptance
by Lynda Langley, Indra Publishing Victoria, Australia 2002, ISBN 0-9578735-5-7 Paperback

I come from hearty Eastern European stock—the lands of extended large families. It has been years since I have talked to my surviving parent, my sister and all my uncles, aunts and cousins who formed such a large part of my life during childhood. Since starting transition, there has been no contact at all. None …He's My Daughter shows that some parents and families do stay together, through all the perils of transition and more. Written by the mother of a transsexual woman in Australia, it poignantly presents a mother's tale of her son's transition. Things get off to a rocky start. A frantic call from a daughter-in-law tells of self-castration. Tony, the son, is in hospital after removing his testicles by himself. Mother and father, frantic with worry and facing another family crisis, fly off to be with him. It is only with this shock that they discover Tony is really Toni and has had a life-long secret.

Mrs. Langley sounds like a very matter-of-fact woman, a steady and caring mother. Her love is not conditional, even if she does not fully comprehend what has occurred, and what must follow. Indeed, it is not until much later that she reads "True Selves" (Brown) and learns such basics as the difference between transvestites and transsexuals. But before that, long before, what she has is an intuitive understanding of her child and the desire to help.

Her love washes over issues that would send other parents into shock and ostracism. She is with her son as he leaves his wife and child, with him as he relocates first to a trailer park, and then returning to the family home. She is with him as he takes his first tentative steps as Toni. Her husband, a more distant but equally caring man, is there too, no doubt steadied in his course by her dogged affection for her children, no matter what.

Transition, seen from her eyes, starts with a deep hurt. He son is figuratively dying and she cannot prevent it. Alone in her home, she rails out against this cruel fate—but also comes to grips with the arrival of a new daughter. Tony is now Toni and gradually, with trepidation and courage, Lynda faces the new world with her. Shopping trips, new friends - transsexual friends - and so much more are taken in firm stride. Indeed, Toni's two brothers and the rest of the family seem cut from the same cloth. After a time of adjustment, the family continues to enjoy its close bond.

The "home spun" charm of this book stems from the third party observations of events normally described by us in the first person. Toni learns about the clinics of Australia, experiments with clothing, faces electrolysis, and talks, talks, talks. As his protective screen disappears, it seems that Toni can talk of little else and Lynda's grace is that she listens—even when the same story or theme repeats endlessly. Toni goes on dates with men and Lynda is there with advice and comfort, as a mother should be with a daughter. With her family in the midst of a terrible year, surrounded by medical and other problems, her strength allows her to continue and support.

Not that she escapes unscathed. She too has to confront issues and deep feelings, but her matter-of-fact manner conquers all.

Reading this book, I picture Lynda in my mind—a warm open woman, with arms big enough to hold the world. I am certain that Toni wished at times that she was not quite as involved in his life, but she is there for him and with him each step of the way—all the way until SRS.

A typical event in the book serves as an example of the humour and love that permeates every page. A shopping trip for Toni, Lynda, Richard (Lynda's husband and Toni's Father) and Grams. Toni needs his first bra and his mother is there to assist in the selection.

Yes, that's right. Toni, in his thirties, gets his first bra on a shopping trip with his Mother, with father and grandmother not far away! They go to the mall closest to home, to get others used to Toni, and Toni used to being in public near where he lives. Later, they get together in a small restaurant in the mall for a quick bite to eat:

"The guys at Richard's golf club had met Tony a couple of years previously and knew that Richard had three sons … They played a round or two with Tony when he visited Melbourne for Christmas that year. As Richard began to tell his story, we urged him to hurry up. He has a knack of taking a long time to get to the punch line and we thought this was a joke he was telling us.

"You've got three sons, haven't you, Richard?" his golfing buddy asked." Well, I used to have three sons", Richard replied. "Now I've got two sons and a daughter." His partner looked at him as if he'd lost his marbles and simply played his next shot with no further inquiry."

"My coffee was spluttered across the table as I failed to control my mirth. I was so proud of my husband and the story sounded so funny. I wished I could be as blasé as Richard, yet I knew that he was still having an extremely difficult time coping with the changes that Toni was making to her body and her life."

The picture of Toni, Lynda, Richard and Grams in a small café will stay with me for a long time as another happy memory of this most delightful book. I try to imagine a similar scene with my parents and grandmother—it is simply not possible. Indeed, for such to happen seems almost like a fantasy. My parents would never have done so, nor any of my relatives. Enjoy this book and the family you will find within its pages. It is so wonderful to know that this can indeed happen, like a fairytale, in reality.

Polare is published in Australia by The Gender Centre Inc. which is funded by the Department of Community Services under the S.A.A.P. Program and supported by the N.S.W. Health Department through the AIDS and Infectious Diseases Branch. Polare provides a forum for discussion and debate on gender issues. Advertisers are advised that all advertising is their responsibility under the Trade Practices Act. Unsolicited contributions are welcome, though no guarantee is made by the Editor that they will be published, nor any discussion entered into. The editor reserves the right to edit such contributions without notification. Any submission which appears in Polare may be published on our internet site. Opinions expressed in this publication do not necessarily reflect those of the Editor, The Gender Centre Inc.I, the Department of Community Services or the N.S.W. Department of Health.